Still No LH Surge

That’s right, *still* no LH surge! Today is day 16 and still no LH surge. I normally get a stitch-like pain in my side, signaling ovulation and beyond some vague uncomfortableness around day 13, I haven’t had that either.

The strange arrogance-like confidence I mentioned before has disappeared too and I find myself in a dark, dark place. It’s really scary and lonely in here. I don’t feel like I can talk about it with anyone and so I bear this on my own, over this “happy” Halloween holiday…grrrr! Even my dear hubby, when I told him the latest status just looked at me blankly and said “everything will be fine”. That’s the last thing I want to hear, when clearly something is wrong!

Of course I could be doing this all to myself, couldn’t I…stressing about it so much, that’s it’s affecting my cycle. Because that’s not unheard of, when it comes to stress and my cycle. But it’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? The more I stress, the more I tell myself not to, the more I can’t stop and the more I stress. Result! Messed up cycle!

Of course, it could also be that I started testing too late in my cycle (day 12), who the *bleep* knows!

I’m really NOT in a good place! All I wanna do is take a sleeping pill and sleep until this nightmare is over. I certainly don’t want to be “celebrating” Halloween, not able to have any of the goodies and candy because I’m trying to lose weight so I can be inseminated when I don’t even appear to be ovulating!!! And because I’m stressing, I just want to *pig* out on goodies…and I can’t.

Oh, did I mention I’m really in a bad place right now?!

Clearblue Easy Digital Ovulation Test

This is the test I am using to predict when I’m fertile – the Clearblue Easy Digital Ovulation Test (*great* website, by the way!).  I had Amazon deliver it to me for an affordable $40-ish (no shipping charge as I have Amazon Prime). It might be cheaper in the stores, not sure, but I loved the convenience of Amazon delivering.  No hassle.

Another reason I liked this particular test is because each test strip is individually wrapped.  There are 20 in the pack.  On other tests I have seen, they put all the strips in one bag and once opened you have to use them within a month.  Which is annoying, because I doubt I’ll use all 20 strips in a month.  I had to throw the last pack away, without ever using it, because I opened it up “just to look” and never ended up using them.

I read up a little more online and the advice is to test mid-afternoon as your body releases LH in the morning.  And come to think of it, I now remember Shady Grove telling me that too.  So I’ll be retesting in a few more hours.

See that little smiley face on the window?  That’s what I want.  For the last 3 days it’s been an empty round circle.  So chant with me…”little smiley face”, “little smiley face”, “little smiley face”….

No LH Surging

No LH surge this morning :-(. Still not panicking, but a little concerned – today is day 14.

But wait! As I’m writing this, I’m calculating in my head…perhaps today is day 13, not 14…dammit…I need my calendar!

I saved this post in draft to go double check my calendar. It’s definitely day 14 today. Ok…”breath”…I’m telling myself…”nothing to worry about just yet”….

Please cross all your fingers and your toes for me.

In other news, I’ve been taking an antibiotic since Sunday for my HSG test that was this last Monday. Saturday night is my last pill. I swear it’s increasing my appetite and making me gain weight! Does anyone know whether this is a side effect? I’ve gained about 3 lbs in the past week and this while working out and sticking to a low carb diet. The same game plan that’s previously helped me lose 35 lbs. And now suddenly I’m gaining? Something’s up. Not happy about this :-(. That’s another thing adding to my worry. I have to be a maximum BMI of 43, otherwise they won’t do the insemination. And with scale variations to account for and to give myself wiggle room, I really cannot afford to gain any more.

Working myself into more worry….gonna stop writing now.

Please cross all fingers and all toes and anything else you can cross. I need all the good luck I can get. Thanks.

Ovulation LH Testing

I’m nearing the 14th day of my cycle (tomorrow, Friday 10/29) and according to the “natural IUI cycle”, which is what we’re doing, I should be testing my urine every day to figure out when there is a LH surge, indicating ovulation and highest fertility. Although my actual IUI cycle is only next month, I decided to test for LH this month too, to make sure I know what to do and feel comfortable with the process for when it’s most important.

By the way, a “natural IUI cycle” is when there are no drugs used to enhance fertility and no minute monitoring of my cycle. It’s pretty amazing to what lengths they can go to, to help woman have babies, you know! If they were monitoring my cycle, there would be almost daily blood tests to test hormonal changes and ultrasounds to check follicle growth and finally releasing of the egg, signally supposedly ideal conditions for insemination.

But we’re not doing any of that. Just a regular cycle, no drugs, with me doing urine ovulation tests every day. When my LH levels spike, they do the insemination. If that doesn’t work, we’ll reassess.

So I tested yesterday and today. After going through the gross peeing into a cup (eeeewwww) and figuring out how the test device works, nothing, nada. Just normal levels. A simple O on the digital reading. No smiley face :-(. Heck, at least it wasn’t a frown on the device! Because as much as that would be clever and amusing, it would probably be hurtful too.

I’m not panicking yet, though. My actual ovulation day is only tomorrow, or it should be anyway. So, we’ll see how it goes tomorrow morning and Saturday morning.

In the meantime Hubby’s been “getting some”, you know, just in case the little buggers manage to find their way through the vasectomy scar tissue to a welcoming girly egg ;-).

Fallopian Tubes & Uterus A-OK

The HSG test went just fine.

My uterus is fine – no growths and a normal shape.  My fallopian tubes are fine – no blockages.  The physician said I was a prime candidate for IUI.  The test itself produced no pain whatsoever, in spite of being warned that there would be cramps, possibly severe ones and being told afterward that one woman screamed in agony.  I must be one tough cookie, because I felt absolutely no pain and very little sensation.  The most “painful” part was the waiting for the test itself and the uncertainty of how painful it might be.

So that is just joyful news! 🙂

HSG Today

My HSG test is today. They will insert a catheter like thingie into my vagina, push through the tiny opening of the cervix and into the womb, inserting dye. The dye is supposed to flow into my fallopian tubes and out into my abdominal cavity. Then they take an xray to see what’s up. They will tell us the results then.

I’m scared. Of the results, but mainly of the procedure itself. My stomach is sore from nerves already :-(.

Cleared to Proceed

The prognosis from yesterday’s counseling session is “cleared to proceed”.  That means we passed the invisible test and can continue on our sperm donation and IUI journey.  Yaahaa!

Actually, it was a great session.  The counselor was really sweet and knowledgeable and we felt an instant connection with her.  The session allowed me to realize just how much thought and preparation we’ve put into this and just how far we’ve come.  For every question she had for us, we either had a fully worked out answer or were deep into the process and making good headway.  I left feeling oh so prepared for this journey.  Oh, and I had a good cry over the heartbreak we’ve already been through, which is always a good thing.

One thing I was still struggling with is as much as we want to be open about this, we also want to be able to tell the child about where he/she comes from when we feel it’s appropriate to, not when our friends and family might inadvertently let it slip.  I feel at peace around this for the adults in my life, but not so much for my step-kids and other family kids.  My step-kids are 9 and 11 and as much as they really want a baby in the family, kids can be cruel and I’d hate for the baby’s life story to be used as a weapon against the child in some silly bickering session.  So I’m torn about when to tell my step-kids.  Definitely nothing until I’m pregnant.  But what then?  They know their dad’s got medical issues and that’s why a baby hasn’t come yet.  Do we lie and say a miracle happened.  Or do we tell the truth from the beginning.  I just hate lies…among other reasons, it’s way, way too much work keeping it all straight.  Hubby’s not as torn about it as I am.  He’s position is just be age-appropriately honest and it will all work out.  You can tell he’s way more laissez-faire than I am!

So this was one thing I feel the counselor really helped with.  She spoke about secrets and lying versus privacy and helped us work out how we could tell the kids upfront, but then explain about privacy and how we as parents wanted to tell the baby (or child at that point) ourselves and how they needed to respect that etc, etc.  She said they were old enough to understand and to start making those distinctions and that she would send resource and book information to us.  This was very, very helpful to me.

So all, in all, it was a great experience.  Best of all, we’re “cleared to proceed”!  (I’m really enjoying the military associations of that phrase 🙂 )

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