Cleared to Proceed

The prognosis from yesterday’s counseling session is “cleared to proceed”.  That means we passed the invisible test and can continue on our sperm donation and IUI journey.  Yaahaa!

Actually, it was a great session.  The counselor was really sweet and knowledgeable and we felt an instant connection with her.  The session allowed me to realize just how much thought and preparation we’ve put into this and just how far we’ve come.  For every question she had for us, we either had a fully worked out answer or were deep into the process and making good headway.  I left feeling oh so prepared for this journey.  Oh, and I had a good cry over the heartbreak we’ve already been through, which is always a good thing.

One thing I was still struggling with is as much as we want to be open about this, we also want to be able to tell the child about where he/she comes from when we feel it’s appropriate to, not when our friends and family might inadvertently let it slip.  I feel at peace around this for the adults in my life, but not so much for my step-kids and other family kids.  My step-kids are 9 and 11 and as much as they really want a baby in the family, kids can be cruel and I’d hate for the baby’s life story to be used as a weapon against the child in some silly bickering session.  So I’m torn about when to tell my step-kids.  Definitely nothing until I’m pregnant.  But what then?  They know their dad’s got medical issues and that’s why a baby hasn’t come yet.  Do we lie and say a miracle happened.  Or do we tell the truth from the beginning.  I just hate lies…among other reasons, it’s way, way too much work keeping it all straight.  Hubby’s not as torn about it as I am.  He’s position is just be age-appropriately honest and it will all work out.  You can tell he’s way more laissez-faire than I am!

So this was one thing I feel the counselor really helped with.  She spoke about secrets and lying versus privacy and helped us work out how we could tell the kids upfront, but then explain about privacy and how we as parents wanted to tell the baby (or child at that point) ourselves and how they needed to respect that etc, etc.  She said they were old enough to understand and to start making those distinctions and that she would send resource and book information to us.  This was very, very helpful to me.

So all, in all, it was a great experience.  Best of all, we’re “cleared to proceed”!  (I’m really enjoying the military associations of that phrase 🙂 )

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Counseling Marathon

Today at 4pm hubby and I have a 1.5 hour appointment with a counselor, just because we’re using donor sperm.  Continuing along this path (donor sperm and IUI) is contingent upon this appointment, per Shady Grove’s requirements.  Contingent how?  I’m really not sure.  I can’t help wondering what the pass criteria are….like this is a test…what can I study to make sure this is not a stumbling block for us?  Of course, nothing :-).  Yet I can’t help being nervous about it.

Then at 7pm tonight, we go for another counseling appointment, this time with hubby’s ex-wife, their 2 kids, him and I (long story…not for this blog).  What fun…an extended family counseling session!  Not.

I’m sure I’ll be well exhausted by the end of today.

Oh, and this little “requirement” is costing us $250 out of pocket.  Lovely.  The dollars are *flooding* out of our bank account at an alarming rate.