Cleared to Proceed

The prognosis from yesterday’s counseling session is “cleared to proceed”.  That means we passed the invisible test and can continue on our sperm donation and IUI journey.  Yaahaa!

Actually, it was a great session.  The counselor was really sweet and knowledgeable and we felt an instant connection with her.  The session allowed me to realize just how much thought and preparation we’ve put into this and just how far we’ve come.  For every question she had for us, we either had a fully worked out answer or were deep into the process and making good headway.  I left feeling oh so prepared for this journey.  Oh, and I had a good cry over the heartbreak we’ve already been through, which is always a good thing.

One thing I was still struggling with is as much as we want to be open about this, we also want to be able to tell the child about where he/she comes from when we feel it’s appropriate to, not when our friends and family might inadvertently let it slip.  I feel at peace around this for the adults in my life, but not so much for my step-kids and other family kids.  My step-kids are 9 and 11 and as much as they really want a baby in the family, kids can be cruel and I’d hate for the baby’s life story to be used as a weapon against the child in some silly bickering session.  So I’m torn about when to tell my step-kids.  Definitely nothing until I’m pregnant.  But what then?  They know their dad’s got medical issues and that’s why a baby hasn’t come yet.  Do we lie and say a miracle happened.  Or do we tell the truth from the beginning.  I just hate lies…among other reasons, it’s way, way too much work keeping it all straight.  Hubby’s not as torn about it as I am.  He’s position is just be age-appropriately honest and it will all work out.  You can tell he’s way more laissez-faire than I am!

So this was one thing I feel the counselor really helped with.  She spoke about secrets and lying versus privacy and helped us work out how we could tell the kids upfront, but then explain about privacy and how we as parents wanted to tell the baby (or child at that point) ourselves and how they needed to respect that etc, etc.  She said they were old enough to understand and to start making those distinctions and that she would send resource and book information to us.  This was very, very helpful to me.

So all, in all, it was a great experience.  Best of all, we’re “cleared to proceed”!  (I’m really enjoying the military associations of that phrase 🙂 )


Counseling Marathon

Today at 4pm hubby and I have a 1.5 hour appointment with a counselor, just because we’re using donor sperm.  Continuing along this path (donor sperm and IUI) is contingent upon this appointment, per Shady Grove’s requirements.  Contingent how?  I’m really not sure.  I can’t help wondering what the pass criteria are….like this is a test…what can I study to make sure this is not a stumbling block for us?  Of course, nothing :-).  Yet I can’t help being nervous about it.

Then at 7pm tonight, we go for another counseling appointment, this time with hubby’s ex-wife, their 2 kids, him and I (long story…not for this blog).  What fun…an extended family counseling session!  Not.

I’m sure I’ll be well exhausted by the end of today.

Oh, and this little “requirement” is costing us $250 out of pocket.  Lovely.  The dollars are *flooding* out of our bank account at an alarming rate.

HSG Test Booked

My HSG test has been booked for 2:15pm Monday 10/25.  Both hubby and myself need to take an antibiotic twice a day for 10 days, starting the day before.  And then I have to take painkillers the day of.

I’m a bit scared of this test.  Not because I have any fears about issues with my tubes (note my previous post about my strange borderline arrogance-confidence), but because I’ve been warned about how uncomfortable/painful it will be.  I wish it were here already so I could just get it over with!

No news on donors yet.  We’re dragging our feet…so scared of making the wrong choice.

Babymaking Hormones Just Fine

The nurse just called.  My hormone blood work is fine.  Ummm…yeah.

I feel such a sense of arrogance for being so certain that I do not have any fertility issues (other than male infertility, that is – which is not mine), but I just can’t help it.  I just feel so certain all my lady bits are fine.  Ok, so I *am* 39 and I’ve never been pregnant.  But that’s because I’ve been ultra careful and conservative about sex, never taking a chance with pregnancy.  The facts are: I have regular 28 day cycles, I bleed pretty much the same amount every month, I have monthly ovulation “stitches”, generally on the 14th day and I’m very healthy, despite being apparently “morbidly” obese.  The tests are merely confirming what I know already – and wasting my precious dollars.  There’s a huge part of me that is so certain I will conceive with the first insemination…I so hope I won’t have my certainty dashed and my heart broken.

So the next step is a HSG test to check if my fallopian tubes are open.  That will probably be scheduled for early next week.

I was hoping to be able to do the first insemination by the end of next week, which is when I next ovulate, but Shady Grove will not do the HSG and insemination in the same cycle.  So that takes us to the end of November.  Wait 2 weeks for magic to happen and test…I should know by Christmas whether I’m pregnant.  What a wonderful Christmas present that would be!  I’d better be a good girl for Santa ;-).

That also gives any brave man willing to try, the opportunity to practice impregnating me until the end of November.  That last part is a joke, folks!

Day 3 Baseline Blood Work & Ultrasound.

Today I went to Shady Grove for my Day 3 baseline blood work and an ultrasound.  What that means in lay-speak is that today is the 3rd day of my cycle (my period started on Friday at 8pm.  Day 1 is considered full bleed by 5pm) and they need this blood work (E2, FSH, LH, TSH, PRL) to determine whether my hormone levels are adequate for this time of the month.  The ultrasound is to check out the shape and health of my uterus (which is normal – yay) and how many follicles on my ovaries I have.  Apparently, a woman of child-bearing age produces new follicles every month and an egg is produced from one of those follicles.  They needed to find at least 10 follicles between the 2 ovaries.  I have 6 on one and 8 on one, so 14 in total – which is a good thing.  The technician said that clearly I am not menopausal.  This morning’s adventures cost us $650.  I could have told them I was not menopausal for nothing.  Well, I did, actually.  But I guess they needed science to confirm what I knew anyway.

So there you have it.  So far, my lady bits appear to be functioning normally.  Yeah, duh.

I’m awaiting a call from the clinic to let me know the results of the blood work and to discuss the next stage of the process.

One thing hubby and I still have to do is pick out the donor.  It’s nerve wracking, to be honest.  So many choices!

So yes, much has happened between September 2009 and now, October 2010.  The biggest 3 things are that we decided to drop the IVF idea (due to reasons that are boring, yet upsetting and which I’ll cover at some other point), we decided to use donor sperm and IUI (instead of hubby’s non-existent sperm) and I’ve lost 30 lbs.  And so the story continues.