LH Surged!

So, apologies for the late post, but things have been hectic the last few days.

On Wednesday 11/24 at 1pm, my LH surge test showed positive.  I could hardly believe my eyes!  I was scheduled to ovulate on Thursday 11/25 (yes, that would be Thanksgiving here in the US!) and so I was expecting the surge by the middle of Tuesday at the latest.  When it didn’t happen on Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday morning, my spirits had started to fall.  So imagine my joy and surprise when the test showed the surge at 1pm!

One might ask how it is that I tested both in the morning and in the afternoon – and well, that would be a valid question, as the test instructions say to test once a day.  But see here…I have been known to be slightly OCD at times…and so in the name of fail-safe tests and extra caution, I bought 2 different brand tests (Clueblue Easy and First Response), at 2 different times, from 2 different stores…and then I tested at 2 different times in the day, once first thing upon waking and once at midday.  I even set a reminder on my calendar!  I was starting to gear up to 3 tests a day, just to be even safer.  No way was I going to miss my LH surge!

In retrospect, my OCD-ness turned out to be a good thing, because while I showed a surge at 1pm, by 9pm there was no more surge.  That 9pm test was at the insistence of my hubby, “for the sake of science”, he said.  What it showed me was that I have a very small window to pick up my surge, which is probably why I didn’t pick it up last month.

I’m ashamed to say that I then proceeded to fish the old tests out of the trash, to compare the results and then even took pictures of the tests!  A moment for prosperity!  What relief…what joy that my body was normal!

Earlier that morning hubby called Shady Grove and left a message to ask what should we do if I didn’t surge.  No one called us back.  Then when I had the surge at 1pm, I called and left a message again, saying I needed to come in the next day, Thanksgiving, for the IUI procedure.  By 3pm no one had called us back.  I started panicking because while I knew they were open on Thanksgiving morning, they were closing at 4pm on Wednesday and I needed to make sure the procedure was booked for the next morning.  I couldn’t afford to miss this cycle!  My dear hubby then did the sweetest thing – he jumped in the car and drove to Shady Grove to make sure he spoke with someone.  I love that man so much, words fail me.

My IUI procedure was booked for 8:30am Thursday morning 🙂

Wednesday night, Thanksgiving Eve, passed in a haze of surreality.  This really was happening…

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LH Surge Testing Starts Again

I began using the ovulation kit to test for LH surge (indicating ovulation within 48 hours) on Friday, day 8 of my cycle. The Shady Grove nurse said to start testing on day 10. The ovulation kit said to start when my period ends, which was Thursday. So I went with the more conservative advice. And started on Friday. In the name of even further conservatism, I’m using TWO ovulation kits, bought from different stores and different brands. That way I mitigate the risk of possible faulty tests. I can’t afford any mistakes with this.

Today is day 10 and there’s been no surge yet. That’s to be expected, as I should only see a surge on day 12 or so – which would be Tuesday.

If all goes to plan I should be inseminated on Wednesday or Thursday (Thanksgiving). I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing on Thanksgiving than conceiving my baby.

Still No LH Surge

That’s right, *still* no LH surge! Today is day 16 and still no LH surge. I normally get a stitch-like pain in my side, signaling ovulation and beyond some vague uncomfortableness around day 13, I haven’t had that either.

The strange arrogance-like confidence I mentioned before has disappeared too and I find myself in a dark, dark place. It’s really scary and lonely in here. I don’t feel like I can talk about it with anyone and so I bear this on my own, over this “happy” Halloween holiday…grrrr! Even my dear hubby, when I told him the latest status just looked at me blankly and said “everything will be fine”. That’s the last thing I want to hear, when clearly something is wrong!

Of course I could be doing this all to myself, couldn’t I…stressing about it so much, that’s it’s affecting my cycle. Because that’s not unheard of, when it comes to stress and my cycle. But it’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? The more I stress, the more I tell myself not to, the more I can’t stop and the more I stress. Result! Messed up cycle!

Of course, it could also be that I started testing too late in my cycle (day 12), who the *bleep* knows!

I’m really NOT in a good place! All I wanna do is take a sleeping pill and sleep until this nightmare is over. I certainly don’t want to be “celebrating” Halloween, not able to have any of the goodies and candy because I’m trying to lose weight so I can be inseminated when I don’t even appear to be ovulating!!! And because I’m stressing, I just want to *pig* out on goodies…and I can’t.

Oh, did I mention I’m really in a bad place right now?!

No LH Surging

No LH surge this morning :-(. Still not panicking, but a little concerned – today is day 14.

But wait! As I’m writing this, I’m calculating in my head…perhaps today is day 13, not 14…dammit…I need my calendar!

I saved this post in draft to go double check my calendar. It’s definitely day 14 today. Ok…”breath”…I’m telling myself…”nothing to worry about just yet”….

Please cross all your fingers and your toes for me.

In other news, I’ve been taking an antibiotic since Sunday for my HSG test that was this last Monday. Saturday night is my last pill. I swear it’s increasing my appetite and making me gain weight! Does anyone know whether this is a side effect? I’ve gained about 3 lbs in the past week and this while working out and sticking to a low carb diet. The same game plan that’s previously helped me lose 35 lbs. And now suddenly I’m gaining? Something’s up. Not happy about this :-(. That’s another thing adding to my worry. I have to be a maximum BMI of 43, otherwise they won’t do the insemination. And with scale variations to account for and to give myself wiggle room, I really cannot afford to gain any more.

Working myself into more worry….gonna stop writing now.

Please cross all fingers and all toes and anything else you can cross. I need all the good luck I can get. Thanks.

Cleared to Proceed

The prognosis from yesterday’s counseling session is “cleared to proceed”.  That means we passed the invisible test and can continue on our sperm donation and IUI journey.  Yaahaa!

Actually, it was a great session.  The counselor was really sweet and knowledgeable and we felt an instant connection with her.  The session allowed me to realize just how much thought and preparation we’ve put into this and just how far we’ve come.  For every question she had for us, we either had a fully worked out answer or were deep into the process and making good headway.  I left feeling oh so prepared for this journey.  Oh, and I had a good cry over the heartbreak we’ve already been through, which is always a good thing.

One thing I was still struggling with is as much as we want to be open about this, we also want to be able to tell the child about where he/she comes from when we feel it’s appropriate to, not when our friends and family might inadvertently let it slip.  I feel at peace around this for the adults in my life, but not so much for my step-kids and other family kids.  My step-kids are 9 and 11 and as much as they really want a baby in the family, kids can be cruel and I’d hate for the baby’s life story to be used as a weapon against the child in some silly bickering session.  So I’m torn about when to tell my step-kids.  Definitely nothing until I’m pregnant.  But what then?  They know their dad’s got medical issues and that’s why a baby hasn’t come yet.  Do we lie and say a miracle happened.  Or do we tell the truth from the beginning.  I just hate lies…among other reasons, it’s way, way too much work keeping it all straight.  Hubby’s not as torn about it as I am.  He’s position is just be age-appropriately honest and it will all work out.  You can tell he’s way more laissez-faire than I am!

So this was one thing I feel the counselor really helped with.  She spoke about secrets and lying versus privacy and helped us work out how we could tell the kids upfront, but then explain about privacy and how we as parents wanted to tell the baby (or child at that point) ourselves and how they needed to respect that etc, etc.  She said they were old enough to understand and to start making those distinctions and that she would send resource and book information to us.  This was very, very helpful to me.

So all, in all, it was a great experience.  Best of all, we’re “cleared to proceed”!  (I’m really enjoying the military associations of that phrase 🙂 )

Counseling Marathon

Today at 4pm hubby and I have a 1.5 hour appointment with a counselor, just because we’re using donor sperm.  Continuing along this path (donor sperm and IUI) is contingent upon this appointment, per Shady Grove’s requirements.  Contingent how?  I’m really not sure.  I can’t help wondering what the pass criteria are….like this is a test…what can I study to make sure this is not a stumbling block for us?  Of course, nothing :-).  Yet I can’t help being nervous about it.

Then at 7pm tonight, we go for another counseling appointment, this time with hubby’s ex-wife, their 2 kids, him and I (long story…not for this blog).  What fun…an extended family counseling session!  Not.

I’m sure I’ll be well exhausted by the end of today.

Oh, and this little “requirement” is costing us $250 out of pocket.  Lovely.  The dollars are *flooding* out of our bank account at an alarming rate.

Babymaking Hormones Just Fine

The nurse just called.  My hormone blood work is fine.  Ummm…yeah.

I feel such a sense of arrogance for being so certain that I do not have any fertility issues (other than male infertility, that is – which is not mine), but I just can’t help it.  I just feel so certain all my lady bits are fine.  Ok, so I *am* 39 and I’ve never been pregnant.  But that’s because I’ve been ultra careful and conservative about sex, never taking a chance with pregnancy.  The facts are: I have regular 28 day cycles, I bleed pretty much the same amount every month, I have monthly ovulation “stitches”, generally on the 14th day and I’m very healthy, despite being apparently “morbidly” obese.  The tests are merely confirming what I know already – and wasting my precious dollars.  There’s a huge part of me that is so certain I will conceive with the first insemination…I so hope I won’t have my certainty dashed and my heart broken.

So the next step is a HSG test to check if my fallopian tubes are open.  That will probably be scheduled for early next week.

I was hoping to be able to do the first insemination by the end of next week, which is when I next ovulate, but Shady Grove will not do the HSG and insemination in the same cycle.  So that takes us to the end of November.  Wait 2 weeks for magic to happen and test…I should know by Christmas whether I’m pregnant.  What a wonderful Christmas present that would be!  I’d better be a good girl for Santa ;-).

That also gives any brave man willing to try, the opportunity to practice impregnating me until the end of November.  That last part is a joke, folks!

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